Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
