I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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