dude i'm inner monologue high
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
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America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
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My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.