Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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