Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
