theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.