One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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