Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
