Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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