I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
