like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
