did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
