you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm jealous of your bromance
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
