Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
she pinky promised me she was 18
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
