dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
why does every cop we meet know your name?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
