btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
