My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
