OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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