pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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