I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
