dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
