If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
