i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
