my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
