i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
