I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
