I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
