Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
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it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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