my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
