Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
