the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
