I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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