Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Randomize
