i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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