somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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