I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
