Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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