My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
whose parrot is this?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
