I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
