I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
