nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
