your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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