using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
