You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Welp...herpes.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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