Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
