hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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