I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
