Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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