I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
