At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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