We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
