he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
