That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
