You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
