i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
