Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone. http://tfl.nu/y8ai
  Replies (16) Good night (4619) Bad night (906)
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person. http://tfl.nu/ixis
  Replies (12) Good night (1203) Bad night (6047)
• Favorite

  (551): View more from New Jersey

  Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (551): Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again. http://tfl.nu/vdhg
  Replies (51) Good night (968) Bad night (4517)
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey" http://tfl.nu/pjur
  Replies (24) Good night (6578) Bad night (1377)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?" http://tfl.nu/pevk
  Replies (33) Good night (3313) Bad night (1285)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it http://tfl.nu/9pgr
  Replies (3) Good night (2012) Bad night (1092)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests http://tfl.nu/7t18
  Replies (9) Good night (3415) Bad night (980)
• Favorite

  (979): View more from Texas

  Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (979): Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again http://tfl.nu/ae74
  Replies (5) Good night (2894) Bad night (892)
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (862): She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone http://tfl.nu/c8bq
  Replies (9) Good night (3521) Bad night (729)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch http://tfl.nu/6s8v
  Replies (13) Good night (2990) Bad night (788)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo (410): Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman. http://tfl.nu/b3bx
  Replies (2) Good night (1491) Bad night (993)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink. http://tfl.nu/5avj
  Replies (5) Good night (937) Bad night (499)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is http://tfl.nu/velj
  Replies (6) Good night (970) Bad night (403)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave. http://tfl.nu/rhln
  Replies (4) Good night (660) Bad night (363)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay. http://tfl.nu/ivx8
  Replies (4) Good night (896) Bad night (481)

Randomize