if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
Acid is not a monday night drug
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
and i looked up. we had an audience...
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.