I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.