I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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