Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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