you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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