The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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