you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
