Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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