it hurts more in the daytime
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
