I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
