never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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