Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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