Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
