do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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