she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
