dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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