I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Life is so much better after having sex.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
