it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
